There are things that we all give up when we make choices and nothing lasts forever and blah, blah, blah. All of those things are very true – and yet I woke up today and realized that for the first time in ten years I will not be preforming, I will not be directing, I will not be getting to bare my soul and be vulnerable in front of a thousand people….and I feel so incomplete it hard to put it into words. I thought it was just something I really enjoyed doing and the more I am away I’ve realized performing is who I am.
I told my boyfriend today that when he starts making a ton of money I am going to quit my job and go back to performing.
While he agreed (wonderfully) the reality is that may never, ever happen. I may never stand on a stage again and sing songs or recite lines. The reality is may have left that part of me behind when I left the state. Ultimately, today I am not sure it was worth it. Maybe the wanderlust I felt was for the art and not a change of pace. Who knows – but with the recent loss of so many beautiful, shining lights perhaps I need to fight a little harder to hold onto that part of me that feels alive when I step onto a stage and look at a sea of faces.
I leave you with this clip – Mingulay Boat Song from the first years of From The Ashes.